| one of the worst feelings ever |
[Feb. 2nd, 2004|03:07 am] |
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so this is the first time that i've done this... i guess if you're reading this then you know me... if you dont then hi, sorry to depress you.. so i found out that my grandmother has passed away. i found out tonight. so let me run you through the chain of events..my cousin called me asking for a million ppls phone numbers and i was so confused, he told me that i had to go pick up my mom (she was at a super bowl party vip) and at first i thought it was b/c she was just drunk and couldnt drive..(it was free drinks and food)so i wasnt too worried. but he wouldnt tell me why i was picking her up. so i rushed over,trying to get into contact w/my dad (for all of you who dont know, i dont live him not on the best terms w/him) but he wasnt picking up. so i got my mom and she freaked out b/c my cousin wouldnt call unless it was important. so she told me that she knows it my grandmother she hasnt been able to get a hold of her in a few days and was wondering if she should send someone to check on her. its not like my grandmother to not call. she calls everyday until she can get a hold of one of us (using every number possible)... so we called my cousin (chris) again and he said he wasnt telling us anything until we were home... so we're freakin out. we got home and he told my mom the bad news that she had died. as you can imagine my mom couldnt speak much less breathe so she couldnt tell me what had happened. even though i pretty much knew, i needed someone to tell me. he wouldnt tell me at first, but he did. and i nearly threw up more than once. i had to give the phone to rice. we cried for what seems like a blur of forever. rice brought me a big stuffed fuzzy pink puppy and the kitten to comfort all of us. i tried calling my dad again and he was fighting w/his gf (we'll discuss later) but he was in shock so he came over. so now the whole familys calling and my sister still doesnt know at this pt in time... her bf got leave to be w/her when she finds out. (hes in the marines) they were going to put her in the ground wed. but thats my sisters bday... so i guess not. i finally got the whole story of how she died. she died friday in her sleep. so hopefully there was no pain. (i wont know forsure b/c mom wont let her get "cut-up") even though i think it should be done, it'll make me feel better. her sister found her, she died friday and they found her today.. which bothers me more than anything is that no one knew she was dead. she just layed there the whole time alone, while we were calling. not to mention i havent gotten to talk to her in 3mts... which i hate myself for b/c she calls everyday and i just figured that she'd be around forever. she was my angel. i loved her more than anything. anytime i had a bad dream or was at the lowest point in my life, she was there for me. out of all of the relatives that i have she was the one that i loved more than anything. thats the reasoning for me journal name. i was her babydoll... that was her nickname for me. so i fly out tomorrow, and wont return until sunday or monday... they have 8in of snow so there goes my ideas of a warm week. i dont think i'll be able to get much sleep. she was supposed to come to my graduation in 3 1/2 mts. i havent seen her in 3yrs. she was so proud that i was graduating (i'm the first in my family).in the long-run i'll hate that my future kids will never get to meet her. she was already starting baby blankets for them. she loves to make things, she made one for all of us...its crazy how much i miss her already. my life completely sucks lately... my cat that i've had since i was 7 died 4 days after xmas. so this year doesnt look tooooo promising. |
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